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January 23, 2012

Getting Shit Done (When You Feel Like You Can’t)

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So this past week I’ve been feeling pretty rough. A few factors involved, primarily getting back from an extended holiday with The Fella and realizing I won’t see him for another month or two, gaining more weight than I would have liked, and being hit with the realization that I’m going to be stuck for the next year doing some awesome things and getting paid very little.  While an upcoming internship is promising for a career and my publicity  job is the most liberating, they both make little to no pay.  With the internship lasting a year and the publicity job needing me for the next little while, I’m starting to feel pretty hopeless and stuck. These feelings come out ESPECIALLY when I think about how I’m 27, still living with my folks and all my friends are off and more or less doing what they want.

Clearly some changes need to be made to make me feel happy in areas that I can control to help combat the areas in my life where I’m not. So while on my all-day Disney binge yesterday (hey, we all have our ways of coping and Ratatouille is AMAZING) I came up with some little and big changes I can make that could get me on the way to feeling better about things in general.

So here’s my “Getting Shit Done” List.

- Cook more! At least once a week make a damn good meal. This week I’m making Parsnip Soup and later on I’ll be making Ratatouille (both dishes I have wanted to make for ages). I’ll also try to cook more Iron-rich meals to bring those levels up (am slightly anemic).

- Boxin’! Going to keep that up! At the moment will be focusing more on the cardio aspect than the strength because I have some weight to lose. But Will be trying to go at LEAST two times a week.

- Find an evening and weekend job! Will suck and ensure that I have absolutely no social life, but it would mean more money and my savings account needs to be filled (plus long-distance relationships are expensive and I want to be able to afford more visits and trips [We’re thinkingChicagoin June]).

- Cleeeean! My room is now clean and I want to move on to the rest of the house. I have a book that shows me how to make my own cleaning products, so there will be a fun kind of “I made something” aspect to it as well as the feeling of accomplishment in cleaning.

- Make more things! I kind of know how to use the sewing machine and my mom wants one of my heat packs. Will start looking at tutorials and see if I can make more stuff.

- Game more! While I think I may be done with D&D for now (finding a group is frustrating and playing for hours and hours in one sitting isn’t so appealing to me right now) weAREgetting a brand newHDTVsoon and I think I want to play vidja games more.  When I was at Alan’s I fell in LOVE with LA Noire. I’d like to play that and maybe a good first-person shooter.

- Cut down on beer! Doesn’t sound good or exciting for those who know me, but I’ve been feeling the need to cut back a bit for health reasons.

- More photoing! May have a contact with a studio and another that can give me gallery space. Let’s try and get that shit going.

That’s all I can think of for now.  I suppose I’d like to explore more comics and get experimental with clothing again (two years ago I made the CRAZY change from black t-shirts and jeans to coloured t-shirts), but since those require money, they’ll have to be pencilled in.

 

December 20, 2011

I Done Made Something

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So, yeah.  I made a heatpack last night.

This was my second time ever on a sewing machine and the first time ever that I made something crafty without a teacher looking over my shoulder.  All in all it was simple.  Cut rectangles, put together, leave hole to put stuff in, close up hole.  And it’s far from perfect (I might need to do some patching up later), but I’m proud of it anyways.  I used brown rice for the filling (which smells just wonderful) and putting this thing in the microwave is just…wow.  Such wonderful warmth for these cold months!

And even better I still have a buttload of this nifty batman fabric!  Thinking of making some small lavender pouches and a few other things.  We’ll see!

 

December 19, 2011

The Stupid Low Self-Esteem

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Sitting here in my room with freezing winds blowing outside.  I’m listening to Anoushka Shankar’s “Traveller” album for what must be the fifth time (and listening to the third track, “Krishna” for probably the fifteenth) and I think I’ve decided to actually use this blog as…well, a blog.  But maybe combine personal stuff with work stuff.  Anyways.

Past couple of weeks have been interesting leading up to Christmas.  Parties have been attended and I made a couple of contacts that could lead to some collaborations and an exhibition in a coffee shop down the line.  I’ll follow the leads and see where they go.

For the most part things have been great.  I’ve been working out a few ideas, might be getting something close to a career in Music Direction and Publishing (more on that in a later post). I’ve got a great fella who, while we don’t see much of each other physically due to being in different countries, has been one of the best things to happen to me in a while and…yeah.  Bit by bit I’m getting close to being the person I want to be.

But that god damned low self-esteem keeps creeping up.

I have issues with my weight, primarily.  Getting names like tubs and jokes about me being pregnant were pretty rampant when I was a kid, then I slimmed a bit in my teens and then became something of a giant blob monster with multiple chins.  Then, mostly spurred by the death of my brother I decided to lose weight primarily for health reasons and because I wanted to, in my eye, look pretty awesome.  Set a goal for myself.  Since I was about 70lbs overweight I resolved to lose that 70lbs.  Thanks to running, walking EVERYWHERE when I’m downtown and eating pretty reasonably I’ve lost 50lbs of that 70.  Nearly 80%.  And it’s been great.  I went from wearing XXL t-shirts to a size Medium.  I feel good.  Hell, I REALLY look good.  But the problem has been that I’ve been on those final 20lbs for fucking ever.

Which is where things get murky…Because of past things like being made fun of all other crap I’ve…put a lot of my self-worth in to how I look and finishing off that final amount of weight.  I shouldn’t, but…well, I do.  I won’t lie, a good part of it is a looks thing, but then who hasn’t looked in a magazine and saw a model or met a person who was just so stunning that suddenly in your mind all your little imperfections that only you notice just…stick out more?  So yeah, not going to lie.  It’s a big part, but not the biggest.  Because really, if it was just that I’d be happy where I’m at.  Currently I go to boxing lessons and while my weight has stayed the same, I have toned up a HELL of a lot and look 10lbs or so lighter than I actually am.

So no, the other part is just the fact that this is a loose end.  Something that isn’t finished in the timeline I was hoping for and something that is lowering my personal morale for still being around.  I want this finished and, for reasons that are entirely my fault (very little willpower when it comes to delicious, delicious crap foods etc) I just can’t hit it.  I’ll be trying, more than ever to hit that mark in the coming year.  Boxing lessons for the next little while will be focusing on cardio rather than strength so I can focus on fat losing with no muscle mass being added on (though I would like that later on).

Not so much hating myself as a person…I actually like who I am.  Just…right now and for the past few months I’ve been feeling frustrated of having not finished this one freakin’ thing.

Rant over.

 

December 5, 2011

27

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So yesterday I turned 27 years-old.

The day itself, hell the entire WEEKEND was amazing.  Meeting up with friends new and old, drinking, laughing, talking the night away…and even getting to spend time with the New Guy, Alan, who traveled all the way from Virginia to see me on my Birthday.

The gifts were WONDERFUL.  Comics, music, a Samhain toy, Star Trek: TNG Season 4, a book on the collected works of Robert Crumb’s art on record covers, some beautiful flowers and the much-coveted Brooklyn Box Set, a set containing a signed copy of The Oxford Companion to Beer and a custom ale to go with it, only available at the Brooklyn Brewery’s shop in Williamsburg and paid for by my folks, graciously picked up by my friend Melissa and picked up by Alan who sent it to me.  Gorgeous, gorgeous gorgeous.

But, and I usually think about this at the end of the year, where things seem a little more…significant to me, I can’t help but notice the outstanding change in me within only the past two years.  I’m even thinking back to the times where I pushed people away.  And now…it really feels that in the past two years I’ve come out on to my own and at least have gotten on the path of being someone I’m comfortable with.  Add this to the selection of amazing friends I have and I really do count myself as an incredibly lucky person.

2009, as a lot of you know, was sort of a time of death and rebirth for me.  Some bad shit happened, I broke down and just didn’t know what to do.  Since then I’ve culled out the poisonous relationships, embraced the interests I was too nervous to embrace for fear of judgement while seeking out and getting in to all other new interests.  I’ve become confident to a level I didn’t even think was possible, in part with losing weight and being less afraid in expressing my opinions.

And of course I’ve learned that by being myself and not compromising who I was in order to fit in, I have gained the respect and kindness from a mindblowing amount of people.  That one shocked the HELL out of me when it started up.  Being yourself works, who knew?

So yeah…25 was a good chance to get my feet in the pool.  26 was me swimming around the pool and getting a feel for the motions.  And 27?

I get the feeling 27 will be the year to try my chances in the ocean.

 

August 9, 2011

On Joker Killings, Villain Killings and a Potential Photo Series

Posted by Robin under art, comics, Personal, photography
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So this is the result of the Secret Personal Project that I have been kind of alluding to, a victim of The Joker dead in the alley.  A forced smile from the Joker Venom that entered her system and a rather happy Mr. Punch sprung from her stomach.  The photo set, which is growing as I edit them, can be found right here.  With a little luck (and money), this will be part one of something bigger, but I’m getting ahead of myself and should probably start at the beginning.

It all started, funnily enough, with the Arkham City “Riddler” trailer being released last month which led to a discussion with my friend Liam Leadbetter on how he was portrayed.  I’ll be honest, while I do feel that the comparisons of Riddler and The Jigsaw Killer from the Saw series is a fair one, I was glad to see the Batman villain imagined as the way I always imagined him: as a super-intelligent serial killer obsessed with riddles and his own inflated ego.  It was a far cry from the spandex green suit and the rather lighthearted view of him that I’ve normally seen of the character.

The conversation then progressed in to the methods of some of the more popular Batman villains, which led me to think more on the damage they leave behind.  For a brief moment I imagined what it must be like to be a part of the Gotham Police Department and dealing with the bodies left behind by these twisted villains.  What happens when the body has been found and Batman has either left or is on his way there, with the villain long gone?  What happens when all that’s left is the victim, killed because they got in the way, or a message needed to be left or, even worse, was just killed for fun? And I’m not talking about the more famous victims, Jason Todd or Barbara Gordon where you get repeats of their attacks over and over.  I’m talking about the security guard that Poison Ivy had to seduce to get in to the lab.  I’m talking about the fast food manager that messed up the Joker’s order.  I’m talking about the guy who the Riddler just had to use as writing paper for a riddle.  The victims that are grouped in under the phrase “the people they’ve killed”, who have no name and are barely given a second thought.

And that’s where this came from.

A victim of the Joker’s was my choice for this mainly out of preference.  He’s always been such an interesting villain to me.  Within 12 hours of coming up with the concept, make up artist Blake Evernden, who I met on the set of SCARS, had agreed to help out and was already coming up with ideas on how to pull off the deadly smile from the joker Venom.  And college friend and Sound Editor Andrea Cyr, bless her, had offered to be a model without knowing what the idea was.  Thankfully she didn’t back off when I told her about it.

What followed was a series of rescheduling, picking up prop ingredients, getting location permission, multiple viewings of Batman: Under The Red Hood (The Joker parts so I could feel a bit mad) and, like any good artist has, multiple panic attacks.

But despite the rain, the shoot went incredibly.  Through the use of silicone, Blake managed to make a freaky, twisted and terrifying smile out of Andrea’s beautiful face.  In the end I was incredibly pleased with how it all looked and amazed that for the first time in a while, I managed to pull a vision in my head right out in to the real world.

So the question for me right now is where to take it.  I could be happy with just this one set on the Joker’s victim but…well…I already have some ideas on other villains like Riddler, Poison Ivy, Clayface and Scarecrow and I kind of want to make a series out of this and maybe, just maybe, put on an exhibition in a comic shop or something.  I’ll need to look in to getting permission from DC Comics, I’m thinking.  My view on it is that if I’m wondering whether or not I need permission, I probably do.  So we’ll see where that goes.  Perhaps a Kickstarter can get set up so I’ll be able to afford props and makeup and other stuff.

We’ll see!  But that’s what’s been going on with me for the last little while!

 

July 5, 2011

Dance of the Weary

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So I haven’t really been putting out work that much lately and thought that I’d explain a bit about it as well as inform you some of what’s been going on in my life.

A few things have been happening.  My grandfather dying and the subsequent “going through his house and dealing with family” stuff had been taking up a lot of my time.  And when I got back from NYC my day job, which consists of writing press releases, contacting members of the press and handling social media for various music artists, went in to overdrive with an album launch, tour launch, music video launch, television appearances, meet-and-greets and any upcoming promotions in between. My days have never been filled with more chaos and demands, all of which I can handle fine, but leave me rather uninspired to go out at the end of the day.

On top of that I’ve been using my evenings to focus on feeling like me again.  Usually this is in the form of Ukulele Jams in Corktown and boxing lessons at Toronto Newsgirls. And Jesus, The Thirsty Wench. That…kind of blew up with success on me.  More time than is prudent has been spent thinking of ways to expand it more as well as try and come across so I’m seen as someone who loves the craft and history of beer (which I am) and not as an alcoholic who will drink at any opportunity (which, you guessed it, I’m not)

Are they excuses for not doing so much with my personal art? Yep.  Are they reasons?  No.  And if they are, they aren’t very good ones in my opinion.  Rest assured that things will be picking up soon.  In the coming months I’m planning for more collaborations and experiments.  I’m also sketching ideas for a sekret studio shoot some time in the future.  And yes, more NYC and other current pictures I’ve been stashing away will come out to play.  I promise.  Not just to you, but to myself.

And to seal the deal and celebrate the 4th of July, here’s a typical American.

THIS IS HOW THEY ALL DRESS.

 

February 19, 2011

The Soviet Condom Story

Posted by Robin under People I Know, Personal
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Suddenly remembered a story from when I was working as an Office PA at Associated Producers Ltd. a company whose owner, Simcha Jacobovici made a documentary on the “James, Brother of Jesus” bones and later, with James Cameron, discovered what was believed to be the bones of Jesus himself.

This is about one of the executive producers there, a man named Felix.  He was a complete bastard and is the first person that comes to mind when I hear the words “sneaky fucking Russian”.  One day he called me in to his office and showed me the decorations that he put on his wall.  Lots of pictures from his former life in the Soviet Union and at the center of it…a soviet-issued condom, still in golden-brown wrapper, nailed to the wall.  He pointed to it, swelling with pride.  ”You see,” he said. “Soviet condoms were the best in the world.  Forget this durex shit.  Soviet condoms could stop a fucking atom.”  A little lower, was a 1 chervonets bill, with Lenin’s face on it.  He pointed to that.  ”And I put it by Lenin so HE KNOWS…so he knows that his proud nation created the best condoms known to man.”

Felix later went on to involve me in something that involved the alleged bones of The Virgin Mary.  But that’s a story for another time (get me drunk at a party.  I’ll tell it).

It was one of the worst jobs I’ve had, but damn it, it gave me a book full of stories.

 

January 21, 2011

2011…SO FAR.

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Well, well, well…it’s been an interesting first month of this Brand New Year, hasn’t it?  It has for me at any rate.  The main reason I haven’t posted anything on here is that I hit the ground running at the start of the year.  Let’s go through some things.

WORK:

Going great.  First day back from the holidays I ran in to an early meeting with a Chartered Accountant firm who needed photos for their web site.  The lovely Kyle Gallant, who is designing their site, referred them to me.  They seems to like my chops and just this past tuesday I finished the shoot.  As I type this I still have a few photos left to send out, but the job is pretty much done.  They seemed to like me, Kyle seems to like the shots and this is looking like it may lead to more work, so…hurrah!

Have also calculated that if I get at least two photography jobs a month, I will be able to survive in my own apartment and have time to work on personal projects more.  It’s just a matter of getting those jobs and I think I can do it.  2010 was the year where I just put my name in that list of photographers that aren’t crap and gained some word of mouth along the way.  2011 will be the year where I put that word of mouth to good use and get some work.

PERSONAL:

Also doing well.  Morale is up and so is self-esteem.  Two weeks ago I officially finished therapy, with my therapist honestly thinking that I have come a long LONG way from the broken down puddle of hopeless slime I was in late 2009.  I’m inclined to agree with her.  2010, I have to say, was the absolute best year from a developmental standpoint.  I bettered myself in so many ways.  Also have begun thinking, more often than not nowadays, that I’m a pretty attractive person.  We’ll see what gets done with that.

I will definitely be making more beer.  My first batch ever turned out stunningly amazing and I can’t wait to do it again.  Next weekend I’ll be heading down to the homebrew shop and getting prices on the malts and hops to make the brew I have in mind.  If I can’t afford it, I’ll just buy a kit and make the same batch I did the last time.  Either way, I’ve found that I’ve really enjoyed home brewing and look forward to making more beer for my friends and family.

I also bought a Ukulele!

FRIENDS

What the hell AREN’T these crazy people up to?  Here are some of my friends and their work.  I’ll try and introduce you to more of my friends in later posts.

PITCH BLACK – André Navarro is a twisted, fucked up Brazilian man who should be shot. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Wonderful humor in this comic.

KATELAN FOISY – An inspiration to say the least.  Read her blog and you too could have a dancing gypsy to go along with the angel and devil on your shoulders.

IMPETUOUS HEADLONG RUSH - Veronika von Volkova: Photographer & Lady Of Mystery.  We have already planned some things and I think we’ll plan more stuff sooner rather than later. Check out her inspiring work and the work that inspires her in this site.

CHIP ZDARSKY – …god DAMN IT, Zdarsky.  He’s brilliant, but he makes my mind scream.

So that’s some of them.

And that’s it for this post.  Hope your 2011 is going well so far.  We’ll all see how this year turns out.

 

December 21, 2010

Those Freakin’ Holidays

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I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m having a lot of trouble getting on top of things this Christmas.  In the past week I’ve received some very thoughtful Christmas cards and presents from friends and I’m ashamed to say I didn’t have anything to give to them in return.  It’s due to money issues, but I don’t like giving myself that excuse, you know?

So before I continue I would like to get an apology out of the way to all the people I didn’t send anything to who sent me stuff. It’s not a selfish thing and it damn well isn’t a reflection on you.  I just suck this year at doing that stuff.

At least there’s some eggnog at the end of the tunnel.

The year is looking like it’s already wrapping things up.  Changes are already happening that elude to an interesting year ahead.  My best friend Cheryl got me a camera flash for my birthday which will allow me to pursue event photography as work, I’ve started classes at Toronto Newsgirls Boxing Club, an all-female gym that has left me really damn sore (I have to come up with a boxing name. I’m open to suggestions!) and filled with endorphins. I’ve started brewing my own beer, which I expect to go to weird and interesting places. And finally I’m talking with potential clients. They seem to be piling up ever so slowly now.

I’m not going to lie, I’m EXCITED for 2011.  2010 was such a good year for me in terms of becoming closer to the person I want to be and figuring out that a hobby might be something I’d like to do with my life.  I grew as a person, became more independent, made new friends and developed tastes that are very distinctive to my own.  I’ve still got some more development ahead of me, but I’m closer than I’ve ever been.

I have many MANY people to thank for being playing such a key role this year, as I’m sure you have people to thank as well.  My advice is to do what I plan on doing. E-mailing each of them a thank you.

So to those who have been following me around on the internet and in real life, to old friends and new, to enemies and madmen, have a wonderful holiday and a very merry new year.

See you in 2011.

 

December 5, 2010

Birthday Presents by Paul Sizer, Will Ellwood & Brittney Wagner

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Three amazing Birthday prezzies from three amazing folks!  The first being a BRILLIANT drawing by the equally brilliant Paul Sizer (BUY HIS BOOK!) of me inspired by this photo:

Also slightly inspired by the photo, the incredibly talented Will Ellwood wrote a bit of Flash Fiction in which I’m interviewed by Richard Nixon’s head.  Here ‘s “Suave Robin’s Birthday Surprise”

Suave Robin’s Birthday Surprise

A jar with Richard Nixon’s head floating in it was wheeled onto a stage, dressed as the Oval Office, by a male nurse to the applause of hundreds of audience members. The cameras around the stage captured every moment for broadcast around the universe. The nurse lifted the jar from its trolley and placed it on a heavy wooden desk. After sticking a contact microphone to Richard Nixon’s home the nurse left with the trolley. “Good evening,” Richard Nixon said, when the producer had managed to coax the audience into silence.

“Welcome to Richard Nixon Interviews. The atemporal chat show where I, the mind of Richard Nixon mixed with the personality of a light entertainment presenter and stored in a robotic head, talk to ghosts from past, present and future.

“Tonight we have only one guest and one band. Our guest tonight is the very wonderful and suave Robin LeBlanc.”

A ray of white light projected from the rafters focused on the sofa next to Richard Nixon’s desk. A shadow formed of a figure wearing a worn old beret and holding a burning cigarette. The light faded and Robin sat on the sofa half dressed and her long curly hair uncombed. She looked around at her situation and shrugged, mostly accepting it.

Richard Nixon blushed when he looked up. Robin’s black shirt was half unbuttoned. “Where the hell is my beer?” she shouted.

A light materialised and a pint glass with beer in it appeared next to the sofa on the floor. “Welcome to the show,” Richard Nixon said. “Sorry we forgot the beer.”

“Not a problem Dick. It’s good to be here,” Robin said. She put her cigarette out in a jade ashtray that balanced on the sofa’s armrest.

“I want to start by wishing you happy birthday.”

“Thank you.”

“Now I want to ask you about the beer.”

“What about it”? Robin asked.

“Well, I’ve been told that you brew your own.”

“I do. The brew I’ve got here I made myself,” Robin said.

“Could you describe it for me?”

Robin picked the pint glass up, smiled and then drank the pale brown liquid. “This is a new recipe that I’ve been experimenting with that I call ‘A Photographer’s Flash of Insight’ and it is in the style of a classic English bitter. Would you like to try some?”

In his tank and without a neck to articulate his head Richard Nixon did his best to nod by bobbing up and down in the suspension liquid which supported his head. “Please.”

She rose from her seat and stood over a smiling Richard Nixon and carefully tipped a small measure of beer into his tank. The liquid sank into the open mouth of Richard Nixon. His eyes rolled back in their carbon fibre sockets. “Oh that’s the best beer I’ve had in a thousand years,” Richard Nixon said when he regained his senses. “Damn the questions. Bring on the musical act. Just for you Robin we’ve got Leonard Nimoy, William Shatner and Patrick Stewart with the Red Shirt Barbershop Choir to perform Happy Birthday just for you.”

End.

Have to say, I personally love the ending. *cough*

And finally, a bit of amazing pixel art from Brittney Wagner of a Robin Cabinet of Awesome Stuff!

 

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